That thing called post infidelity stress disorder

Hello there internets, here I am again. I just finished work and without anything huge planned this weekend, I can stay on awhile and write. Not that anyone cares but I am doing my best to heal from my husband’s infidelity. We’re fine now, I think. Although I can’t say the same about my mental state. I mean, it’s still quite fresh, what he did.

Betrayal

You know when something traumatic happens to you, part of that moment gets stuck in your head. In my case, I still vividly remember how my husband started by casually calling my attention in the middle of work followed by dropping the “let’s break-up” bomb. And then he kept adding/saying mean shit like:

  • How he felt attracted to another woman.
  • The reason why we’re in a sexless marriage was that I stopped caring about how I look.
  • He thought I was having an affair whenever I check what time he’s coming home from work.
  • I don’t take care of the house well enough.
  • He even brought up how much of a burden I was when I took a break from work for a few months.

The first few minutes of our conversation felt like our marriage was really over. Instead of arguing, I let him talk even though he was being incredibly disrespectful. I listened. It really broke my heart when he spoke about his openness to the idea of having kids with the right woman and that person is not me.

Puzzled

That night was life-changing, to say the least. We really talked about everything. I cried way more than he did because that’s just how I am but I made sure he knows I’m deeply hurt. You know how hard it is to get the words out while sobbing uncontrollably. There’s actual physical pain.

I gotta admit, the way our conversation ended was shocking. His breaking down in tears and apologizing was totally unexpected. I asked him recently what caused that reaction and he said, it was the realization that I seemed 100% ready to walk away from our marriage.

Well, who wouldn’t after hearing his words. This guy is really something. Psycho.

Now

My husband and I are working on becoming better versions of ourselves. We’re okay with doing “the nasty” as we used to, which he likes very much. Still undecided about having kids though.

I am doing my best to restrain myself from talking to him over and over about why he did what he did because we can’t change the past after all. And I should really stop being a paranoid creep checking out the other woman’s social media accounts.

If there’s something I learned from all this, I finally understand what the grown-ups meant by marriage is hard work.

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