Hello there internets, here I am again. I just finished work and without anything huge planned this weekend, I can stay on awhile and write. Not that anyone cares but I am doing my best to heal from my husband’s infidelity. We’re fine now, I think. Although I can’t say the same about my mental state. I mean, it’s still quite fresh, what he did.
You know when something traumatic happens to you, part of that moment gets stuck in your head. In my case, I still vividly remember how my husband started by casually calling my attention in the middle of work followed by dropping the “let’s break-up” bomb. And then he kept adding/saying mean shit like:
- How he felt attracted to another woman.
- The reason why we’re in a sexless marriage was that I stopped caring about how I look.
- He thought I was having an affair whenever I check what time he’s coming home from work.
- I don’t take care of the house well enough.
- He even brought up how much of a burden I was when I took a break from work for a few months.
The first few minutes of our conversation felt like our marriage was really over. Instead of arguing, I let him talk even though he was being incredibly disrespectful. I listened. It really broke my heart when he spoke about his openness to the idea of having kids with the right woman and that person is not me.
That night was life-changing, to say the least. We really talked about everything. I cried way more than he did because that’s just how I am but I made sure he knows I’m deeply hurt. You know how hard it is to get the words out while sobbing uncontrollably. There’s actual physical pain.
I gotta admit, the way our conversation ended was shocking. His breaking down in tears and apologizing was totally unexpected. I asked him recently what caused that reaction and he said, it was the realization that I seemed 100% ready to walk away from our marriage.
Well, who wouldn’t after hearing his words. This guy is really something. Psycho.
My husband and I are working on becoming better versions of ourselves. We’re okay with doing “the nasty” as we used to, which he likes very much. Still undecided about having kids though.
I am doing my best to restrain myself from talking to him over and over about why he did what he did because we can’t change the past after all. And I should really stop being a paranoid creep checking out the other woman’s social media accounts.
If there’s something I learned from all this, I finally understand what the grown-ups meant by marriage is hard work.