IYKWIMAITYD · 09 Jan 2022

Just Another Lofi Music Postmidnight Post

I took a 3-hour nap earlier so I feel fine. Just showered and now letting my hair dry. Instead of powering on the blower at this hour, I’ll use the mini fan. I am listening to lofi music at a low volume. This moment feels really good.

How’s your first week of 2022? Mine was hella frantic. This is what I get for taking four work days off in the last 2 weeks of December. Looks like I only need two work days off for the holidays this year. Why am I even checking the December calendar already?

So anyway, I spent the holidays out of town with my family. No huge gatherings whatsoever, but I gained around 7 pounds. Goddamn, this aging body. At least I immediately resumed intermittent fasting after the feasts so it’s alright.

The residual dizziness I talked about from my vertigo attack is almost gone now. I even went swimming last month and felt totally fine. I never want to experience vertigo again. If I’m honest, vertigo is a stronger motivation to focus on my overall health than my husband’s cheating of 2019.

I don’t think I mentioned it anywhere that I lost around 20 pounds in December 2019 due to heartbreak. But I gradually regained the weight in 2020 and 2021, which I shouldn’t have. I remember thinking, why was I trying so hard to lose weight? To save my marriage with a cheater?

Perhaps it’s what people refer to as being in a “dark place”. As you can see in this blog, I was consumed by hate for my husband over the past two years. Being cheated on is no joke, I mean, we’ve all seen crime of passion documentaries.

I still don’t like my husband as much as I did when we were dating but we’re doing okay. Definitely iffy on the love part. Maybe saying I fell out of love is an exaggeration. The fact that I’m still here probably means love, right? Or are we staying together for convenience?

Alright, I’m starting to feel dozy from lofi music, I better sleep this off.