ILICISCOMK · 05 Dec 2021

Saving My Tears for Another Day IRL

I’ve been away for too long. I’m fine, saving my tears for another day but I couldn’t get the chance to sit down and take the time to write. There’s a draft sitting here since September, what the hell have I been doing. So to make myself feel better I’ll say: no one’s paying me to update this blog so it is what it is.

Significant life events have happened in the background. One of my sisters just got married, another one gave birth to a healthy baby boy so I’m officially an aunt now. I actually teared up when I saw a photo of her right after the birthing process. I was so relieved my sister and nephew are both well.

Modus Vivendi

News flash: my husband and I are still together. And by the looks of it, we might continue counting the years as a couple. I still don’t see us being parents but I feel like our relationship is salvageable at the very least. Thanks to him doing the dishes daily, post infidelity. Apparently, people can change for the better when their other half kind of don’t want to be in the relationship anymore.

I know I said I’ve fallen out of love for him and to this day I’m still questioning if giving him another chance after being unfaithful is going to be worth my time in the long run. Part of me wants to commit to taking the road less traveled, but sometimes I feel like running away.

Saving my tears: Moment

Living in the moment is what I’m struggling with, marriage-wise. My job is alright, and I still find joy in all the distractions this life has to offer. Food will always have a special place in my heart. I recently learned to play the kalimba and ukulele. Even sad songs make me feel good when played on the ukulele.

I guess what I’m trying to say is – my life is generally okay, except for my marriage with this guy. It’s like we’re fine now but what about in 5 or 10 years? Of course, I tried talking to him about how I feel and he’d always reassure me that everything’s going to be fine. But I don’t believe him.

Saving my tears: Divorce

And perhaps the biggest frustration of all is not having the option for divorce in a Catholic marriage here in the Philippines. I mean, couples usually try to work things out before calling it quits but if after putting in all the work everything still fell apart, what then?

I personally know other couples whose marriages turned out far worse and there’s nothing they can do about it other than live separately. Most of them filed for an annulment but to no avail. I’ve heard there are ways to work around the system but it requires a lot of money.

Rue

Do you know what I need right now? A quote. Because that’s what mature adults do when faced with difficult life situations. We exorcise our problems with quotes.

Life doesn’t owe you anything else, because you already have everything you need. But you do owe yourself the courtesy of making the best of it.

Marc and Angel Hack Life

Would you look at that, there’s more where that came from. 🙂