End of the ducking year 2019

Well, well, well. Here we go again. I haven’t posted anything last month even though I wanted to, and I said I could. So what the heck have I been doing? Getting distracted, that’s what. Also, I’m trying to ease back into the night shift routine as I haven’t done it in a while. I feel exhausted in the general (aren’t we all?). My rich neighbor’s home renovation looks like it’s gonna keep going until early next year, fuck my sleep I guess. You know what, I’m going to fold our clothes while I’m writing this because multi-tasking is the essence of being an adult.

South Park

I binge-watched South Park on Netflix and loved it, unfortunately, they only have it on there from season 15. I was never exposed to it in my childhood because we didn’t have cable TV. I’ve only heard about the show a few times from the wealthy, spoiled boys in our high school. You know, the boys who thought girls aren’t funny yet they’re the ones who ended up doing the nasty and impregnated young bitches way before the rest of us even thought about getting laid.

Anyway, I’m glad I finished school before discovering the beauty of South Park (and other forms of entertainment for that matter) because now I can actually waste time without dire consequences. Other than feeling like shit for not getting enough sleep and probably dying faster because of it. But then again, aren’t we all dying?

On a serious note, you should probably not let your kids watch this show hehe.

Fat

The asshole I married keeps reminding me of how fat I am every single day so I’ve decided to try and lose some weight. I mean, he’s not wrong but I guess it hits differently when the body-shaming is coming from your partner. It makes me want to beautify myself so hard and leave him. Funny thing is he never talks about ending our marriage, not even as a joke like I do. Recently, I asked him if he plans to end things with me in the future and he firmly said no. When he asked me the same question I said: “it depends, don’t know how long I can put up with someone who makes me feel fugly”.

When I was a kid, my dream was to be free to do whatever I want, whenever I want in my own home. Eat, be lazy, and consequently fat. Yet here I am, sharing a home with an asshole who says he loves me whilst body-shaming me on the daily. To be fair, I wasn’t as thick as I am now when we started dating and I don’t think he has any idea how hard it was for me to stay in that goddess form. Darn it that was 12 years ago. I just want to eat a 20-pc box of chicken nuggets and be happy.

Anyhow, with a heavy heart, I started intermittent fasting. In other words, starving myself as I used to in my early twenties. I haven’t consumed anything except water since I woke up. Goddamn, I could easily order any food from any cuisine right now but I shall not.

2020

I will keep torturing myself with non-sense like intermittent fasting and saving money next year so it’s going to be tough. It’s for the good of all mankind, I think. There is a possibility of us moving to a new home too so I imagine it’s going to be chaotic.

I’m getting sleepy again, so I’ll finish up folding the clothes and take a nap.

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