Hey internets, it’s yo girl. I haven’t had the energy to sit down and journal lately. You know what, I just realized having “no time” to do something isn’t really a valid excuse. Because I did have the time, I simply lacked the energy to do anything else outside my daily grind. Much has happened since my last post, not only with my life but everyone’s lives – pure chaos am I right?
So what have I been up to that’s draining my batteries despite not having anywhere to go but home? Well, having nowhere else to go is one of them, for sure. I certainly do not miss mass gatherings, but I do like going out to the mall for no reason or seeing my immediate family every once in a while.
My siblings and I all agreed that this quarantine period isn’t really a challenge for us. We were sort of raised as introverts. Our parents took the easy route by simply locking us in at home most of the time. Other than school or a weekly family day out, we spent most of our childhood in the house.
These days, actually even before the quarantine, we group chat all the time. We are all living in different cities now so that’s how we stay in touch. Video calls we don’t do much of because our schedules don’t align. I think my mom is the one most saddened by the inability to gather us all for a simple meal or weekend getaways.
Welp, my marriage is far from perfect but it’s “stable” at the moment. My husband is currently playing a PC game, which gave me a window to be alone with my thoughts again and write. Actually, excuse #2 for why I can’t post even when I want to is that bipolar son of a bitch.
I mentioned it here before, he’s a borderline controller that low-key stands behind me to check out what I’m up to on my phone or computer, among other things. But on some days, he acts like I don’t exist. Crazy fuck. At least, he cleans the toilet.
Obsessing with Covid-19 developments and giving himself anxiety is his quarantine hobby. By the way, he completely stopped braving the outside world to buy groceries now. I order everything online.
About the cheating episode, I’ve come a long way compared to the first couple of weeks after the fact. Man, I was miserable, not because of “I love my husband so much, can’t live without him” kind of bullshit. It was shock, anger, and feeling lost.
There were plenty of times I’d be doing chores or working and then I’d remember the night he attempted to end our marriage. And I would just cry. Sometimes he sees it, most of the time he doesn’t.
Honestly, I didn’t want him to see me like that which is why I wanted to leave at first to patch myself up and get over everything on my own. He wanted us to forget about his mistake and move forward, but it was so goddamn hard to forgive.
Unfortunately, this pandemic happened and I just had to keep going until I stopped feeling so sad about what this ugly ass idiot did to us. Focusing on myself definitely helped. I worked, cried, browsed memes, and worked some more.
I don’t believe in forgiveness, actually, I think forgetting or simply moving forward is more realistic. Telling myself that I’ve forgiven my husband simply because I don’t feel like crying anymore is pure clownery.
He was a giant gaping asshole and I would never forgive him for being that way but he wanted a second chance. And it wasn’t a hard decision to grant him that because we were OK for the longest time. He is my best friend.
In fact, in one of his emails to the cursed woman, he admitted that he still loves me. Probably one of the reasons why she didn’t bother responding. If he wanted to score a side chick, he shouldn’t have mentioned his feelings for the wife.
Flattening the curve isn’t happening in the Philippines, which comes as no surprise at all. I don’t even need to elaborate on this, a pandemic hits the hardest in poor places. But you know what, we’re still gradually opening up the economy.
Sounds like an insane thing to do but the poorest of poor in my country are desperate to be allowed to work despite the risks because our government is struggling to support them. Dying of hunger will get to these people before the virus does.
Online businesses are popping up from everywhere, mostly owned by repatriated overseas workers. Quite convenient for people like us who are still able to purchase somehow. Needless to say, it helps our economy a bit.
I hope someone somewhere finds a cure soon.