Covid-19 coronavirus update: quarantined with my weak-minded husband

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I haven’t fully recovered from my husband’s shenanigans and was planning to secretly leave for a while, yet here I am. Stuck at home with the one person I wanted to get away from. We’re not constantly arguing or anything, I just wanted to be by myself for a week or so. Perhaps life telling me I should learn to stitch up my wounds without anesthesia. Sorry 2019, but 2020 is indeed a meaner bitch.

Need to unload some toxicity yet again.

Mask

My man is an intelligent person, an achiever since he was a kid, his colleagues all speak highly of him. He has a good sense of humor and just overall a decent looking guy. In fact, it’s not surprising to me that other women may take an interest in my husband because they don’t know him as I do.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I couldn’t agree more with that quote. I’ve been to a couple of my husband’s company gatherings and witnessed this person act cool, easy-going and all that jazz. Emphasis on the word “act” because that’s what most of it is. Some ladies can’t even hide their admiration towards the guy even when I’m around.

A piece of advice to all the ladies considering clinging on to a married man, look at the woman he’s with right now. Does the wifey appear genuinely happy to you?

Garbage

I am not the jealous type; my husband can attest to that. Even when I learned about the identities of his exes over time, I didn’t care because they’re all in the past. I treasure the idea that I am the last woman he would ever love in this lifetime. Yeah, I think like a fucking Disney princess sometimes.

Maybe that’s why I felt so devastated when he admitted his attraction to someone else. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough, that I’m no longer needed, like garbage getting thrown out. All those years of my life wasted on this person that I could have invested in someone else.

To me, any form of cheating is a cowardly act. He can’t take full responsibility for wanting to end our marriage that’s why he dragged another person into the mix. I admit he succeeded in diverting some of my hate to the other woman. I mean, she must have done something to flip the infidelity switch in my husband’s brain, right?

Holdup

But she’s not the main culprit here. Which is why instead of walking away that night, I talked to my husband. No shouting or violence. The truth is, I wanted to fully understand the situation and my husband’s thought process for me to figure out my next move.

He doesn’t have anyone to talk to about marital problems and thinks therapy is a fraud so I’ve decided to be that person he can talk to. I think it’s a win-win, I got all the information I needed to hear straight from the source hehe.

For the record, I didn’t beg for him to save our marriage. I agreed to the idea of ending it all. We don’t have kids anyway so it wouldn’t be as hard to part ways. But I didn’t want to walk away and later regret not saying anything. If I learned anything from all the TV/movie dramas, hiding true feelings doesn’t end well.

Feeble-minded

I think my husband is bipolar or a sociopath but there’s no way of knowing unless he willingly gets checked. How can he go from reducing me to feeling like garbage and then taking it all back overnight? He’s not a prankster and he never jokes about cheating and such.

About the cursed emails he sent to the other woman and how I got a hold of them, I did some detective work. I usually don’t snoop around his phone because I don’t want him doing that to me. But I’m not a saint and gave in to the urge of checking for evidence.

Sure enough, there are no records of their previous conversations except the last two emails he sent her: (1) to confess his attraction and (2) to apologize for the first email and let her know we’re okay now. Both emails got no response from the other woman, as far as I know. Although even if she did respond, it doesn’t matter at this point.

I mean, if she’s mistress material, our marriage wouldn’t matter to her at all. She could just go all out, seduce my husband, make him believe that what they have is better than his current relationship, maybe have a child with him and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Pinnacle

People who are capable of cheating don’t have a soul, I think. Even my intelligent husband surprisingly does not have the mental capability to simulate the chaos that goes with ending a marriage. Also, worth mentioning, the other woman has a boyfriend.

The audacity of my husband to think that he can just swoop in and steal this “young woman with good posture and cute butt” from her boyfriend is extremely selfish and disgusting. I asked him these questions:

Did she confirm verbally or in written form that she likes you? No.

Did she say she will break up with her boyfriend to be with you? No.

Then what type of signal did you get that made you think it’s okay to make a move on her? I just felt/know that she likes me.

If she enters a relationship with you and it doesn’t work out, what then? I’ll try to win you back.

Welcome to my husband’s narcissistic brain, ladies, and gentlemen.

Gravity

Marriage and infidelity are not just about the two people and the third party. I bombarded him with a bunch of questions to help him think out loud about what’s going to happen and to assess if how he feels about the other woman is worth all the trouble.

How is he going to explain this to our family and friends without sounding like a total dick? I, on the other hand, can simply tell anyone who asks that he cheated. And then I’ll move on, glow up and possibly get a better man without much explaining to do.

He thinks highly of himself. So, I figured if this was really the end, might as well kick him in the balls (not physically). I told him the reason why I asked if he’s having sex with the other woman was to confirm if he can make her cum. Because that’s not the case for me hehe.

The annulment process requires time, money, and facing each other in court. If he’s up for it, then I see no reason for me not to cooperate. I am honestly tired of keeping up with all his demands. Freedom from him sounds good.

User-friendly

I still believe my husband is not capable of loving anyone. He only knows how to use people and he needs my wifely services now more than ever because of this freaking COVID-19 situation.

He is currently unemployed and the stock market is not in good shape so he’s not making any money at the moment. Also, he’s a mediocre cook and clueless about ordering anything online because he relies on me for all that.

Fortunately for him, this garbage can still work from home even at a time like this. I’m also the CEO of ordering things from anywhere and I can cook because I eat as a hobby.

On a positive note, he does a good job of picking up groceries if I make a detailed list. Anything that’s out of stock in the local grocery store, I order online.

Loveless

Call me crazy, but I think his lame cheating episode helped balance the energies in this marriage. He woke up the sleeping bitch in me that now he’s the one begging for me not to leave.

Know this, if you cheat and then, later on, realize that you want to save your current relationship, you’re in for a lifetime of guilt. Look at me, my husband probably means it when he says he won’t do it again but I’m struggling to believe him. I feel nothing when he hugs me, even when we have sex.

The lack of trust is not due to the one-time infidelity that happened. It’s knowing that he’s capable of cheating and it could happen again. He asked me what he could do to be forgiven completely and I don’t know how to answer that. He shouldn’t have done it.

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